Are We There Yet? November Tolls of Death, Courage, Joy and Transformation.

Autumn in Jiaxing comes late. There are still leaves on the trees here and the weather is quite pleasant until January.


There is always so much to tell you all and I often don’t know where to start or which pieces of the mosaic that has become my life here in China to share with you. I can tell you that there has been a shift in me. The parts of me that were resisting this new life are slowly falling into background noise and I am finding a reverent understanding of the purpose of my present and a more palatable acceptance of the essential yet sometimes painful lack of proximity to many I hold so near and dear. I am reminded that with each adventure I ever embark upon, brings with it a cast of new characters which I am so grateful to have become acquainted with, all of which I cannot imagine my life without.


And as I start to spend more time with the teachers here, I am finding the same to be true. I have met some really lovely people with really interesting life stories. The International teaching scene comes with it a crew from all areas of the globe who have worked in all areas of the world. It is truly fascinating: there is the teacher who speaks French with an African accent who is married to the Venezuelan. There is an art teacher who just came from Kuwait who spent her weekends painting murals with refugees in internment camps (old crumbling prisons) there is the Brit with a Ph.D. in Medieval European history that teaches Kindergarten, and the teacher who when you ask her where she is from she legitimately does not know how to respond: " Well, I was born in the US, but raised in Hong Kong and then some in Seoul.." and on it goes. (Her parents are both International Teachers)…




Few new friends which gathered for my birthday this year.

I could go on, but suffice to say, I am in no lack of interesting company among the expats, but alas that has always been the case. I am also making better friends with the Chinese community here. I will say that it has been difficult at times between cultures and languages to build what can feel like an authentic friendship with coworkers here at the school, but we are kind to each other and spend time out of school when the opportunity arises.

Eating is ALWAYS much easier when you have the company of a Chinese person to negotiate the menu and order all the things. That being said, us foreigners can get around and some have a walkable usable level of Chinese that I aspire too. I told myself I was not going to talk about food in this post but here I go a couple of paragraphs in... there is simply no way around it so without further ado, here are some eating nightlights from the last few months:
Over National Holiday where I pretty much had a bed-cation, (that’s like a staycation only keeping the perimeter of your R&R within the square footage of one’s bed.) I did this because I could. I do not recommend to anyone going to Graduate School, Student Teaching, AND moving to China at the same time... it is exhausting. So I haven’t really come up for air in a while. The school unfortunately yet serendipitously was unable to process our visas on time, so we (the new teachers) were not going to be able to leave the country for the week-long break in October that China has. This would be equivalent to a week-long holiday for Fourth of July in the states.

Anyway. When I inquired about traveling during the National Holiday, I was told DON' T as every other person in China is traveling during that time too. The best advice was to stay home so I thought I’d give it a try! There is something very comforting about bolting your doors closed for a few days in a foreign country. You can kinda take a break from the great adventure awaiting outside. Its as if you can almost create an American bubble within the confines of your apartment. You can make Western food, as it is called here, watch English movies, video chat with your friends and family back home and something is so needed about this recharge that I would be surprised to find any foreigner who does not have at least a small shut down ritual every now and again… It was such a well-needed reprieve for me during this time.

After hmmm about day three of Netflix and chill, I was getting a little stir crazy and decided to accept an invitation for Dumpling making with my neighbor art teacher at the school, Hanna. Hanna lives at the school with her husband, two young children, and her high school daughter (from a previous marriage) all of which I thought was unusual but it turns out not to be the case. Couples are getting divorced much more frequently in China nowadays and seems not to carry with it the shame that I understood when I lived in South Korea. She invited me to her flat at the school and the most amazing part of their living arrangement is that they (mom, dad, daughter, and son) all slept in the same room and practically the same bed. It was like a bunk bed attached to their bed. And quarters were TIGHT!

It makes my two-bedroom apartment for just me seem luxurious and unnecessary! The kitchen was also small but functional and I was happy to sit in my nook and follow the instructions as they were given. Hanna’s English is not the best and my Chinese is still the worst, so we use a lot of show and tell and app translation when we speak.

It works though and we made some darn fine dumplings if I do say so myself. Here you can buy the dumpling dough premade and then you just mix your filling as you like then wrap in your own special way. Our mixture had pork, garlic, ginger, cabbage, and green onion. We made them and then the best part is that we got to eat them. Her husband, bless his heart, went and picked up Western food while we were cooking in the event ‘I didn’t like the Chinese food” So we had an eclectic lunch of pizza, fried chicken and dumplings! It was my first pizza since I had been to China, so I was happy to be obliged to eat it.

The pizza can really be hit or miss. They get the idea of bread and cheese, but all bets are off on the in-betweens. Our pizza had what appeared to be butternut squash and pineapple. The other had bbq sauce and like a hot dog sausage. It was in any case, legions of more edible over the hairy crab! Bleh! She also introduced me to a new fruit I have never had called a pomelo. It is large and shaped almost like a gourd of some kind. It is sort of a mild grapefruit with very, very thick skin. In fact, is kind of a lot of work to get to the heart of it but inside is a very pleasant citrus that could feed you for a week!

Then there is BBQ with Emma, I have mentioned this place past posts but the photos must be presented to do this smorgasbord justice! Also, I wanted to mention the family dinner which I have joined on Monday nights with about eight other foreigner teachers. One person arrives early and loads up the basket with a plethora of grillable delectables and then it is brought tableside when it is fully cooked. I also learned about this incredible eggplant they make. It Is coated in oil and garlic and roasted over the coals until caramelized deliciousness ensues. Oh, my eggplant! This dinner here I am with Emma and a few friends. The best part is you can eat like a king or at least a famished Viking for the small price of what would be equivalent to about 5USD.

I also have ventured into making a few Western dishes for Emma and friends. This was my opportunity to reciprocate all the delicious food they have been introducing me to. For Emma, I made a traditional green salad with honey mustard vinaigrette, Italian primavera pasta, and garlic bread. She had never had anything like what I had made. She liked it too.

I also had Mexican night where I ‘tried to make roasted vegetable tacos. There are so many vegetable dishes in my house because I have yet to figure out how to buy meat from the market but coming soon! Anyway, I had a couple of Chinese friends over on Halloween night and showed them how to make a burritos. It was slightly disappointing as you have to be careful with the bread you buy.
Everything is sweeter than it tastes back home. The tortillas were this way too. Bread, milk, etc… things are just sweeter. But they were tacos, complete with seasoning, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, avocado, cheese, and sour cream.

It’s curious because, for the most part, the Chinese do not like things too sweet. In fact, when I gave them the peanut butter cup for a Halloween Treat the scrunched their faces and said oh so sweet! It was fun to see them try to figure out how to roll the burrito and when I asked them while they were leaving what they thought of the food they said, ‘Next time lets do hot pot!’ lol

And speaking of hot pot, we went to have individual hot pot and this post would not be complete without meat dress Barbie. I think Mattel really missed the ball by not putting this on the refrigerated shelves of America!

View from my hotel in Hong Kong 

 So, I think the real turning point for me in Asia was Hong Kong. A few weekends ago I would take a short but amazing trip out of China into Hong Kong. These two territories may share similar land mass, but I assure you they are very very different places. The trip could not have been better placed in terms of me, in all honesty, I was having real second thoughts about my decision to come to China. There have been some, let me put this as diplomatically as possible, ‘bumps in the road’ at my position as Western Art Teacher at the school. It has been a challenging- very challenging learning experience. Many of the things that were promised to me were not made good on upon my arrival and I am slow to accept that this is just the way things are here. That being said, I have had a rewarding time here. My students are my lifeblood and keep me going and invested in this process, so I am feeling fulfilled professionally in some important aspects. I also have learned for sure what I will be requiring on the next contract so you can be sure there are no loopholes next time around!! I feel a little bit like the mouse that just pulled the sliver of the toe of the raging lion.

So, a couple things happened on my weekend in Hong Kong. 1. I met another art teacher on my trip. She was from Shanghai and was having an equally difficult time with certain aspects of her position at the school. She teaches 1-12 grade (yikes!) and has NO SINK. (I hear the gasp in unison from all the art teachers heard around the world) No sink is a disaster for an art teacher: how can you clean brushes, wash hands, make ceramics, get clean water for your paint, wipe up messes… no sink means huge trouble for the teacher… She has elected to get giant bins on the floor that she fills with water... this can mean even more trouble for as what kid can resist a tiny tub of water to splash around in… 

She talked of piles of empty paint jars as an inventory of supplies and no budget to speak of…. I suppose what I began to realize is that I didn’t evade the art teacher problems by coming to Asia… I just realized that the art teacher problem is UNIVERSAL. Every art teacher must fight the art teacher battle, no matter where you are of what you are promised… Somehow this news was relieving to me. The fact that I do not suffer alone was an all too comforting thought. And there were even some aspects of my job that were ‘better’ than hers. She has to get up at 4am to get to work on time in Shanghai... 4AM! Noooo, thank you! It makes my 8am arrival time seem cushy! She has 12 curricula to write, 12! That’s a heck of a lot more than my four! So, I guess there is truth to the phrase: we pick our poisons and at the end of the day what I don’t get works for me, so I will take it. 

Absolutely no durian in your hotel room!
(Also know as 'stinky fruit')

The other thing that happened is that I was able to see China from a perspective of outside of China. Hong Kong is very much an Asian nation but it is so intrinsically connected to Western culture due to the British occupation for so many years that what is left is this anomaly of a perfect blend of East meets West.

There are the little but big things: such as, they drive on the left side of the road and the driver side is on the right. This is sooo confusing but reminds me of my time in Ireland and England so it becomes even more disorienting! I was traveling with four ladies from Shanghai and when we got into the taxi from the airport it could only be described as a Mousetrap rollercoaster ride. We were in this little red boxcar and wove up and down in and out around ridges and over bridges and hung on for dear life. I had never taken a taxi ride quite like it. Several sweaty palms and white knuckles later, we arrived at the hotel. My advice when taking a taxi in Hong Kong. Wear your seatbelt, keep your hands and arms in the vehicle at all times and Cedar Point is not responsible for anything lost or stolen while you are on the ride!”



City center of Hong Kong

Then there is the English. There is English EVERYWHERE. Hallelujah, did I ever miss English! I could READ everything from street signs to restaurant ingredients. The staff spoke English, the passerby’s spoke English. Even the little old lady in the elevator on my way to the fourth floor turned to me and said, “Well aren’t you charming!” I about dropped my teeth out and said thank you with a blush! What I realized here is how subconsciously frustrating all this lack of communication has been for me. I consider myself a very literate person and to suddenly be dropped into a sea of ignorance has not fit my disposition well. The thing was I didn’t even realize it was bothering me at all. Suddenly being able to articulate how really challenging it is to live in a place where you are essentially mute, was of great relief.

Lastly, Hong Kong was just tuned more to Western Culture. There was a coffee house in our lobby, there was a vending machine on the third floor which vended cold sodas and snacks, bakeries lined every corner of the city selling freshly baked pastries of egg tarts and sweet creams. I could buy Lindor Chocolate truffles at the Family Mart… That was enough to have me consider moving to Hong Kong right there. The dinner buffet at the hotel had RANCH dressing ... RANCH dressing!! It’s the little things when you haven’t seen them in a while that means so much




Dancing performance I stumbled upon in Hangzhou

Well, how does all this accumulate? Why does this all seem so life changing for me... each on its own, these things above hold not too much significance but collectively they allowed me to realize what it is to live in China. It was if I was like the goldfish realizing she lives in a bowl and now could clearly work within the potential of the bowl by stop trying to believe she lived in the sea. This seems like it would be a pessimistic realization but it was not for me... I CHOSE to move to China for its challenges. I CHOSE to move to a place I knew was as culturally different as I could ever imagine. I knowingly wanted to experience something that was NOT GOING TO BE easy. And somewhere in the midst of all this adaptation, I forgot that. Now I could see that the problems and obstacles were not burdens but cultural challenges and opportunities for growth and altering perspective and expectations. I returned to Jiaxing ever more convicted about my purpose here. Like opening the first door on an advent calendar, peeling back a little more veneer of the puzzle that is Asia for me made me even hungrier to explore more. THIS IS WHAT I CAME HERE FOR.

In full disclosure, I have had a little fear around traveling by myself, moving through the world independently and without fear. The little hop, skip, jump trip has taught me I can and will travel and it is so awesome to do so. What did you do last weekend? I went to Hong Kong, yo.

The National Division Art Department of PKUES


With Victoria, another Art Teacher at PKUES. Visiting an Artist studio visit to Area 60 in Shanghai.

For the record, I love my students. Even though I have almost 700 of them, I am enjoying getting to know them, and helping them learn about English and Western Culture. I am happy to see them want to try and talk to me. I am working on my Chinese with them and they are excited to see I am learning from their language. My fifth-grade class on Friday asks me to eat with them in the cafeteria. This is an unusual request as most teachers eat in the teachers’ canteen. It was quite a site when I walked into the student canteen as a Foreign Teacher. Everyone points and shouts “Teacher Amy!” Like hundreds of students. I sit with the class and they smile from ear to ear so very excited I agreed to join them. They point to the food items on my tray and teach me the Chinese words. They say them and I repeat them and they all giggle in unison. The boys from the other table will come peer over my shoulder at what I have selected for lunch. “Teacher, you can use chopstick?!” They say in amazement. “Teacher, why you no rice?” It was a delightful lunch and meant so much to them. I am happy to oblige but I think most foreign teachers would politely decline this invitation.

So, this leads me to a not so happy story thwart with melancholy and sadness but for the best, so I had to share with you all. I know I have mentioned before the street animal problem in my town and for the most part I am becoming accustomed to the fact there are little critters running around everywhere. In fact, there are many other places I have visited where this problem was worse: Mexico and Barcelona are two places where I saw many animals running around. A teacher from England said to me well, you better never go to Greece because they are everywhere.

Again, what I am realizing is that the fact America has so little of a street animal problem actually makes us the minority. I am not saying this is OK. I am just trying to adjust my unacceptable connotations to this situation. The Chinese just see it entirely differently and I am working on meeting them more than halfway. After all, it is I that must bend to the culture I am in, not the other way around.

Anyhow, for the past month, there has been a happy family of puppies and mom living outside of our school. There were four of them: Mom and three pups and they were cute as all get out. Many staff, teachers and school guards were feeding them and trying to keep them comfortable. The guards were particularly kind, making a makeshift shelter and keeping fresh water in their bowls daily. I was able to keep my rescue thoughts at bay with the idea that they were a family and would be ok in their pack. And then slowly that pack started dwindling. 

First, there was four, then there was three, then, then there was two and then there was one. One puppy, all alone. She was a spritely little gal who would jump playfully around you when you approached her. She was happy and joyful even in the absence of the rest of her pack. There have been rumors as to what happened to them and I guess we will never really know but the fact remained she was all alone. I gave it a weekend and when she was still hanging around the North Entrance of the school, I decided I could do nothing no longer. 

Now, the thought of grabbing a wild dog from the bushes in China proposes many obstacles and I had not an idea how to go about accomplishing such a feat but I started to ask questions from everybody. I posted on the Foreigner WeChat group and asked for volunteers to aid with the capture. She was friendly but skittish and coaxing her into a kennel was not going to be easy. Three foreigners agreed to meet me at five and we were ready to commence 'Puppy Mission ImPossible.' At lunch, I went home to gather my cat carrier, treats, and gloves for capture. I waited anxiously for 5pm and could stand it no longer around 4:15. I walked out to the side of the building to be sure she was still in the vicinity. She of course was, where else was she going to go when shelter and food were right there... She was sleeping behind a patch of briar bushes and I could see her little white and black patches peering out between the earthy sodden mostly brush. Soon the Calvary arrived and we did it the best way we could, we surrounded her and did our best not to scare her too much when grabbing her. 

I knew we had one chance to get her before she ran off for good and luckily James was able to coax her enough in my direction that she did not know I was waiting to grab her. It’s very difficult to grab a wild puppy. First, you must make sure you don’t hurt the animal worse in the process by breaking an arm or a leg, then you have to grab the animal in a way which is not going to injure you. I did my best to accomplish all of this but failed at the ladder. The way I had grabbed her under her arms which was safe for her but made it impossible for me to grab her behind the neck. I tried a couple a times in the split seconds in which this all took place, and it was in that moment that she nipped me. She, of course, was terrified, who wouldn’t be she was just napping peacefully and suddenly was being kidnapped by aliens! James quickly got the carrier and we squeezed her into the carrier without too much issue. 

Unfortunately, my gloves were not thick enough and when I removed my glove a small trickle of blood dripped down my figure where she had nipped me. Now we had two problems: Street puppy in carrier and me with street puppy bite. We decided to split the pack and I jumped on the back of James mo-ped and he took me to the school clinic to await my diagnosis. The rest of the group headed to the vet to see the fate of the little dog. I walked into the clinic and was immediately escorted to the sink where my small was SCRUBBED thoroughly with soap. Yeah. Actually, it hurt much worse after the cleaning then the initial bite. I was then instructed to go immediately to animal bite clinic to get my rabies shot. Yeah! So, some people went to the animal hospital Lillian, (Mings adoptive Mom) joined us and thankfully as she ended up helping with much of the language problems) with puppy and I went with Emma to the people hospital where another adventure awaited. 

We walked into the clinic and there was an older woman standing there with her pants around her ankles and they were inspecting what appeared to be an animal wound or area where she had just been injected, I will never know. And although there were half a dozen people in the room when I entered, I was nervously attended to first.  I paid for the service, which was expensive in Chinese terms, but refundable by my health insurance company with a paperwork trail that I will have to navigate later... and she asked me some questions and had me fill out some paperwork. Emma was there to translate when necessary. They had me stand on the scale and everyone in the room peered over my shoulder to see how much the foreigner weighed. Nothing is private in China. Nothing.





Then she had me go back to the sink, which was not exactly hyenic by my western standards. That in the way there was mildew growing in all corners of the metal basin. But hey, the soap and water were clean, right? She had me wash (Again) four times and then thankfully she covered my small wound in what I hope and assume was iodine. She then had me meet her behind this tiny non-curtain curtain where I had to take my pants down for my first shots. Two in the thigh and two in the arms. The needle was about four inches long (I am not exaggerating) and she stuck me like she was popping a balloon. This was great practice for my mindfulness work. So there I was pants around my ankles in a wild animal clinic in China and I should have charged admission for the show : )! And I laughed, nothing I say, nothing is too private in China.

While I was mid shots Lillian (sent me a video of the puppy getting pet for the first time. She was so grateful and it meant so much to me to see her be so receptive to such an act. She had never been pet before and after our run in, I wasn’t sure she could be domesticated. But this gave me hope. Not too soon enough it was over and I would need to go back two more times for another round of poke the foreigner in a week. I was told not to eat hot pot, seafood, oily food, don’t exercise, drink too much, drink too little, drink anything cold, and let her know if I get red spots. Um, ok then. I felt fine after the shot and we hopped in the car and headed to the vet to see how puppy was doing. We were accompanied by two other teachers that had rescued a kitten the day before and were getting her checked for health too.

The puppy lay crumpled on the floor, she had a neck disk on and was breathing heavy. It was hard to say at this point if she was exhausted or unwell. It could go either direction at this point. The tests all said negative but high white blood cell count was puzzling the doctors. We had to take the puppy to another clinic for some more invasive testing. After waiting some time, the doctor said via translation, that they would keep puppy overnight for observations. They gave the puppy a blanket and she snuggled in it and slept soundly. She seemed so comfortable having never had slept comfortably in her whole short life.







The next day I waited impatiently to hear from the vet. I had reconciled that I would now be on puppy duty and picked out a name for the little one. I chose the name 玉兔 – Yùtù, which means 'Moon Rabbit' after the way in which we plucked her from a briar patch like a rabbit and in reference to the rabbit Chinese see in the moon (In the West we see a Man and in the East they see a rabbit. . She, after all lived under the moon for her short life until now. The doctor finally messaged and said that the puppy was doing better than yesterday but we needed to meet in person to discuss somethings. It did not feel optimistic to me. I was starting to feel worse and worse after my shot. 

They say the rabies shot can give you flu-like symptoms and often will give you a cold. I was well on my way to this fate. We took a long cab ride to the other side of town to hear what the doctor had to say. Occasionally and unfortunately not being able to communicate is really, really hard and this was one of those moments. The doctor would speak to Lillian and Lillian would translate for me what the doctor said. There was a lot of complicated terms and things like spinal fluid and canine distemper were thrown around. I won’t go into the details but essentially the doctor suspected that the puppy although, tested negative on the tests he had suspicions that dog had, in fact, a terminal disease of which could only be certain with a spinal tap. Sigh. So, do it and know for sure or don’t do it and put the puppy down and never know. We decided to do it. 

It was a painful choice and I had allowed myself to have false hope after seeing the negative tests yesterday. I walked out went home very quietly and waited the long three hours for the results of the test. It came back positive. There was no treatment that could be rendered and she was extremely contagious for the other animals so she would need to be put down. I asked that they be kind and treat her well for her last few days. The next day we argued over the bill. It felt lengthy and confusing. Again, I can’t understand the charges... it was cheap compared to the US but still, it felt unnecessary to pay for a dead puppy walking. 

Lillian called to explain that they did try to make the puppy as comfortable as possible. They gave her a bath and let her sleep soundly all night. They fed her well and she was put to rest safe, sound, painlessly across the rainbow bridge. Ugh, it makes breaks my heart and I am so relieved at the same time. I honestly did not know how I was going to take care of a cat, job, travel, and puppy all at once. And I know now she will not have a drawn-out end to her life... I am also sure this is not the last of my rescue stories and now I will have rabies shot to be ready for the next little one in distress!

Painting in the National Museum of Art in Beijing. (Sorry, the tag was in
Chinese, so I can tell you nothing else about this image.)

Sigh.. in China, there are moments that are beautiful, challenging, heart-wrenching, life twisting and profoundly transformative. I have learned a lot about myself and bore witness to the ways that China is forever changing me. This place is not for the faint of heart, survival requires a hardening of character and an opening of the mind simultaneously. This is a complicated feat which occurs more as if one is taking apart clock. You just have no idea how complicated the systems within actually are, until you dig in. And the more you explore the more you understand that the only way to understand is to let go of much of what you thought you knew in the first place. It is clear to me now that assimilation into another world only comes from transformation….

Right now, I am on a bullet train bound for Jiaxing after a weekend trip to Beijing. It is something I will save for another time as Beijing needs to be a post unto itself. And as I shoot across the Chinese mountainside at 360km/hr with a train car full of everyone from everywhere but where I am from, I realize how at home I feel. With each tale, harrowing or happy I am forever changed. As aura of acceptance has really come over me, there is an irony in realization in that if I really think about it, in turning my universe inside out perhaps, I fit right in.

 Image I took with Yen Ni in Beijing in a mirror installation exhibition in area 798